The Growing Relay

So one of my favorite bloggers decided to throw a blog relay at me. The rules are simple, but effective:

1) Post all questions, and your answers, on your blog
2) Replace a question you don't like by a new one
3) Add an additional question at the end (hence "The growing relay")
4) Tag 8 people to continue the relay


1 What was the first movie you went to see at the cinema?
Not counting Saturday afternoon kids' flicks; For your eyes only

2 Song of the day?
Greenday's Know your enemy - It was on the radio as I arrived at work this morning, and got stuck in my head for the rest of the day

3 What's your favorite movie?
Just one? Tough call. I guess all 3 original Star Wars movies would be very high up on the list; and for diversity, I'll add The life of Brian.

4 What was the highlight of your day?
This being a work day (and an uneventful at that), I'd have to say lunch (hey, it was really yum; see also # 24).

5 Name something you definitely want to learn
How to use my Jedi powers both for the general good and for personal gain

6 What was the last thing you bought?
Today's lunch

7 What's your favorite weather?
Clear blue sky, low humidity, around 30C

8 What is currently your primary goal?
To get these questions over with

9 Have you ever been mistaken for a celebrity?
No, but people frequently mistake me for someone who gives a shit ;-)

10 If you were given a fully furnished house in a location of your choice, where would you want it delivered?
Somewhere on Sydney's Northern beaches, on the waterfront

11 What would you change about yourself, if you could?
Stop it already – I'm that close to convince myself that I'm perfect

12 If you could spend the next few hours anywhere on Earth, where would that be?
Somewhere in the Whitsundays

13 What compliment do you really enjoy receiving?
The compliment I really love to get is something I could only mention in my Adults Only blog (if I ever get to do one).

14 Who would you like to meet?
The guy who invented the undo button

15 What's your favorite piece of clothing in your closet?
The super-comfy t-shirt that's now so out of shape it's only suitable for wearing around the house

16 What's your dream job?
Project consultant – cracking smartass comments, getting paid obscene amounts of money for stating the bleeding obvious, having hordes of plebs to do the actual work, and raking all the credit (and yes; although the title is different, this is pretty close what I'm doing now – except for the obscene amounts of money part, unfortunately)

17 What are your favorite bands?
Bon Jovi, Cold Chisel, Acca Dacca, Alice Cooper

18 Three things that make you smile?
1) Monty Python
2) Receiving photos of my youngest relatives
3) [see imaginary Adults only blog :-)]

19 What's your favorite city?
Sydney

20 What's currently your favorite song?
Back Betty in the Spiderbait version. Ok, not exactly a recent release, but I'm fussy with songs these days.

21 What's your favorite TV series?
All time: Star Trek
Right now: Underbelly

22 What are you wearing right now?
For $ 6.99/min, I show you

23 Your favorite book?
The Sydney Street Directory – Until I can bring myself to buy one of them GPS thingies, it's an essential part of my life (can't say the same of many other books ;-) )

24 What is / was for lunch today?
Fish & Chips

25 When is knocking off time today?
5 pm

26 Catholic or protestant?
Pastafarian

27 What was your very first CD (that you bought with your own money)?
I remember raiding the bargain bin after I finally got a CD player. Whatever I ended up buying must have been less than impressive as I have no recollection whatsoever what it actually was.

28 What movie did you last watch?
For a few dollars more


29 The best concert you've seen to date?
Bon Jovi (early 90s)

30 What would you be doing if you weren't busy working thru this long list of questions?
Trying to come up with a blog-worthy post

31 Your favorite drink?
Booze: Beer
Soft drink: Coke

32 What decision do you regret?
Not having moved sooner to where I live now

33 Who would you like to have with you when getting stuck in an elevator?
An elevator mechanic


Ok, that's all. Since 8 is probably the total number of my readers, I would like to invite everybody to pick up and continue the relay.

Big Ben

So Big Ben is not only into showing off his tools, he's also not shy about sharing his idea of the perfect date ...

Billy and the terrorists

Inspired by someone else's post about Scottish accents, I searched for examples and stumbled across this gem:

Happy Mothers Day

The local florist seems to be doing well today, despite the combination of Global Financial Crisis and the usual M-Day price hikes for anything that even remotely resembles a flower.

Stimulated

Today, I got a letter from one of Uncle Kev's cronies, aka The Tax Man. While this initially seemed to confirm all my preconceptions about Monday mornings, it turned out not to be all that bad. After reluctantly studying the contents of the envelope, I must in fact consider today a better than average day:

Dear Sir/Madam*

We have paid you a one-off tax bonus of $ 900. This payment is part of the Australian Government's economic stimulus plan. ...

A quick check of the bank account confirmed that the money has indeed arrived. So I'm now officially stimulated; albeit with money that was mine to begin with.


Now I'm of course faced with the question of what to do with this windfall. According to our generous leader, we're meant to spend, spend, spend and thereby to, well, stimulate the economy. But how to spend the money in the spirit of the program, on a shopping spree that actually supports the domestic economy?

Splashing out at the local shopping mall will see the cash going to China.

Setting it aside to buy my petrol over the next few months means it all goes to the Arabs.

If I buy a new computer (which I really could use), my bonus will end up stimulating the Indian economy.

Opting for some gadgets and tech toys would mean it goes to Japan and South Korea.

It seems the only way to keep the money here is to spend it on beer and hookers, the only two products still produced locally (even though I've heard that the latter may be "made from local and imported ingredients").

Well, it won't be easy, but I'll try and do my patriotic duty.



* That's right; even though the letter head features my full name and address, the sender didn't manage to use that information to also generate an even slightly personalized greeting. Kevin, please use some of that stimulus package to hire tax staff that is not entirely incompetent and / or lazy at even the most basic tasks. After all, on any other day, these are the people who determine how much of my hard earned money the Government can grab. [/end geek rant]

Kinky co-worker

Allow me to set the scene for you: We have just returned from an extremely tedious presentation by one of our vendors. Things haven't gone well; the "state of the art" application they were demonstrating crashed a couple of times, and the vendor's account manager didn't even attempt to pretend that he had so much as glimmer of a clue of what he was talking about. To top it all off, he also stumbled for minutes to answer even the simplest of questions. Our collective, albeit silent, Pull your finger out already hung in the room like thick London fog in an Agatha Christie novel and didn't exactly improve the general atmosphere of the event.

After the demo from hell, we're having a quick debrief, mainly to let off a bit of steam. Now, to fully appreciate the significance of what followed, you must understand that the tech expert (let's call her Billie) who was with us is, in defiance of all "tech geek" clichés, quite probably one of the cutest babes in the entire Southern hemisphere. Billie is the kind of always-happy, kind, and simply beautiful girl that incites very unprofessional thoughts in even the most respectable man (and probably a couple of women).

So we're all sharing our not so kind views on both the "state of the art" product we were unfortunate enough to be bored with, and the bumbling dork who presented it. And without warning, Billie announces (and I quote): "Seriously, guys; I soooo wanted to fire a rocket up his ass!".

Thank you, Billie; that moment, and the mental image that's still popping up, almost made it all worth it.

Happy Dead Jesus Day

So, what are you all up to this long weekend?

This year, I have decided to get into the traditional spirit of this holiday; starting today with hanging out at The Cross, and then resurrecting myself on Sunday :-)

Have a good long weekend, and may your Easter Egg Hunt be as much fun as mine was (gotta love an office manager who likes impersonating the Easter bunny).

Holy Switch

See the light? Uhm, I'd rather not


Found here

Come here, fishy fishy

We've all experienced, or at least heard of, beer goggles, but this is ridiculous.




The only time I ever think about sealife and, ahem, other stuff at the same time is when I go for Fish & Chips at this joint.

Shamelessly swiped from FailBlog

Earth Hour

Yes, we're once again asked to "save the world" by participating in an entirely pointless exercise, devised by the very organizations whose existence depends on our belief that doomsday is just around the corner.

So we're supposed to turn off all our lights for an hour, starting at 8:30 pm. Never mind the fact that most people's lights are off every day from dawn to dusk; apparently it's that one hour after dark that'll make the difference. Please also ignore the fact that of all the electrical appliances, lighting probably accounts for the smallest fraction of your average household's electricity use. Furthermore, it'll of course be mostly the energy efficient lamps that will actually be turned off, the lamps of those environmentally conscious people who dumped the common light bulb a long time ago. This will further minimize the already questionable effect of the event.

So maybe it's not about actually reducing energy consumption, maybe it's all about raising awareness about the dire straits the environment is in. However, I'm not aware of any shortness of awareness; with environmental fundamentalists shoving their "Your very existence is destroying the planet; we shall not rest until we control all aspects of people's life, all in the name of nature" message down everyone's throat on a daily basis; and the Government spreading the same message to support the introduction of new taxes and increases to existing rates under the guise of the green hype.

Then, there's the hypocrisy. Oh boy, I don't even know where to start. First of all, organizers must, of course, promote the event. So media conferences are held, interviews arranged, reports on the devastating effects of global warming commissioned. It's probably a safe bet to say that the activities around Earth Hour create "carbon footprint" that outweighs the miniscule reduction in energy usage (if such a reduction even occurs) a couple of times over.

The media aren't exactly adding to the credibility of the event either. No effort, and therefore no energy expenditure) is to be spared to give this honorable project the coverage it deserves. And there's nothing but praise for this wonderful cause on all programs; even the world's most irritating weatherman urges us to "turn off the lights and other non-essential electrical appliances (non-essential? Would that be the gear I usually keep running for no other reason than to send more money than necessary to the lovely folks at the power company?). Yet there's nothing in the TV guide that would suggest that any of the stations will stop broadcasting; as we sit in the dark, we still get to enjoy a choice of football, pommy crime drama, a freak penguin, Johnny gaying up the Caribbean, or young Jack Nicholson joining the Village People Navy.

And of course we mustn't forget the selfless who are so proud to "do the responsible thing"; praised be those who sit in the dark while watching their energy-hungry plasma TV. Others might really get in the spirit and even drive to one of the many Earth Hour activities.

I have no doubt that in tomorrow's news, there will be an abundance of praise for those who seemingly saved the world by participating in a stunt that makes no difference whatsoever. Personally, I was so eager to do my part that I held my own Earth Hour from early morning until just before 6 pm, with no lights or TV on for the entire time. Where's my medal?