Monday, May 4, 2009


Today, I got a letter from one of Uncle Kev's cronies, aka The Tax Man. While this initially seemed to confirm all my preconceptions about Monday mornings, it turned out not to be all that bad. After reluctantly studying the contents of the envelope, I must in fact consider today a better than average day:

Dear Sir/Madam*

We have paid you a one-off tax bonus of $ 900. This payment is part of the Australian Government's economic stimulus plan. ...

A quick check of the bank account confirmed that the money has indeed arrived. So I'm now officially stimulated; albeit with money that was mine to begin with.

Now I'm of course faced with the question of what to do with this windfall. According to our generous leader, we're meant to spend, spend, spend and thereby to, well, stimulate the economy. But how to spend the money in the spirit of the program, on a shopping spree that actually supports the domestic economy?

Splashing out at the local shopping mall will see the cash going to China.

Setting it aside to buy my petrol over the next few months means it all goes to the Arabs.

If I buy a new computer (which I really could use), my bonus will end up stimulating the Indian economy.

Opting for some gadgets and tech toys would mean it goes to Japan and South Korea.

It seems the only way to keep the money here is to spend it on beer and hookers, the only two products still produced locally (even though I've heard that the latter may be "made from local and imported ingredients").

Well, it won't be easy, but I'll try and do my patriotic duty.

* That's right; even though the letter head features my full name and address, the sender didn't manage to use that information to also generate an even slightly personalized greeting. Kevin, please use some of that stimulus package to hire tax staff that is not entirely incompetent and / or lazy at even the most basic tasks. After all, on any other day, these are the people who determine how much of my hard earned money the Government can grab. [/end geek rant]

1 comment:

  1. Why not donate some or all of your stimulus bonus to charity?

    You can immediately assist the disadvantaged without impacting on your regular income, and donations over $2.00 are tax deductable.

    Find out more at: